Thursday, December 3, 2015

Reflections on the last year

It comes at no surprise that the last 12 months have included a great deal of prayer and soul searching.  Of course I felt exhausted.  That was to be expected.  But there were many days I felt so much anger, loneliness and confusion.  I had heard of the baby blues, but for some reason had expected them to feel, well, different from this.  Why wasn't I enjoying every moment like I had promised myself I would?!  

I began writing the poem that follows six months ago, which happened to coincide with my decision to stop coaching and all outside work for the time being.  I wrote a couple stanzas and then angrily closed the file for a few months.  When I decided to take a look again, in October, I realized my feelings were very different and I was able to finish.  What healing time can bring!

Now, I know I shouldn’t whine
But if I received a dime
I’d be rich for every time
That someone has said to me,

“Tell me, why did you resign?”
Like the choice had not been mine
Or as though it was a crime
Against all humanity.

Now, I don’t mean to malign
Any working mom—that’s fine!
The truth is, there was a time
When I thought it was for me.

Though a teacher’s daily grind—
Always working overtime—
Can be draining, I had shined.
It seemed, clearly, meant to be.

I had thought, for sure, I’d find
Many ways to work part time.
It had never crossed my mind
That fulltime Moms can be happy!

So when, by divine design,
Came the chance of a lifetime
I was pregnant!—Reassigned
To a new identity.
I learned, even when I tried
Working somewhere on the side
It soon couldn’t be denied  
That work wasn’t right for me.

So, although it may seem trite,
I have found, to my delight,
Being home with him feels right.
So, for now, that’s where I’ll be.

For too long I had been blind.
If you truly want to find
The greatest joy and peace of mind
It’s found in maternity

I still have days when I cry
Thinking life has passed me by.
But the truth is, that’s a lie
Told us by society!

Sure, it’s hard to be resigned
When you see the bags and lines,
And the other aging signs
That are there for all to see.

But, though I’m dog-tired sometimes—
Since I still work overtime!—
I’m so happy that he’s mine
And it’s for eternity.

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