It comes at no surprise that the last 12 months have included a great deal of prayer and soul searching. Of course I felt exhausted. That was to be expected. But there were many days I felt so much anger, loneliness and confusion. I had heard of the baby blues, but for some reason had expected them to feel, well, different from this. Why wasn't I enjoying every moment like I had promised myself I would?!
I began writing the poem that follows six months ago, which happened to coincide with my decision to stop coaching and all outside work for the time being. I wrote a couple stanzas and then angrily closed the file for a few months. When I decided to take a look again, in October, I realized my feelings were very different and I was able to finish. What healing time can bring!
Now,
I know I shouldn’t whine
But
if I received a dime
I’d
be rich for every time
That
someone has said to me,
“Tell
me, why did you resign?”
Like
the choice had not been mine
Or
as though it was a crime
Against
all humanity.
Now,
I don’t mean to malign
Any
working mom—that’s fine!
The
truth is, there was a time
When
I thought it was for me.
Though
a teacher’s daily grind—
Always
working overtime—
Can
be draining, I had shined.
It
seemed, clearly, meant to be.
I
had thought, for sure, I’d find
Many
ways to work part time.
It
had never crossed my mind
That
fulltime Moms can be happy!
So
when, by divine design,
Came
the chance of a lifetime
I
was pregnant!—Reassigned
To
a new identity.
I
learned, even when I tried
Working
somewhere on the side
It
soon couldn’t be denied
That
work wasn’t right for me.
So,
although it may seem trite,
I
have found, to my delight,
Being
home with him feels right.
So,
for now, that’s where I’ll be.
For
too long I had been blind.
If
you truly want to find
The
greatest joy and peace of mind
It’s
found in maternity
I
still have days when I cry
Thinking
life has passed me by.
But
the truth is, that’s a lie
Told
us by society!
Sure,
it’s hard to be resigned
When
you see the bags and lines,
And
the other aging signs
That
are there for all to see.
But,
though I’m dog-tired sometimes—
Since
I still work overtime!—
I’m
so happy that he’s mine
And
it’s for eternity.
